Scared Shitless

I am sitting alone, packing my room.
Country music plays in the background.
It is a hard day.

I do not even like country tunes.
I am tired and scared.
Please don't let me face this battle alone.

The doctors are worried.
"You should go off campus to run a few test."
They say, "Probably nothing."
But I see the look on their face.

Avoiding the appointment.
I feel alone in my fight.
Remember when you held my hand?

You were afraid of needles--
Deathly so--
I had to get tested.
I was scared.
You sat by my side,
You swallowed your fear.

Then you held my hand
Through the drawing of the blood.
You held my hand
All through the tiring wait.
You held my hand
Telling me you would love me either way.

Here I am again,
Different tests,
Same fear.
I am scared.
This time,
The situation calls for a more serious concern.

I am scared again.
This time,
I am on my own.
No hand to hold,
No partner to hug,
Nothing but fear and a phone.

I am scared again.
Terrified of finding out the truth.
This time,
You are not by my side
To hold me close,
To love me,
To tell me I will be alright.

I am scared again--
Scratch that--Terrified.
but this time...
You won't be here to love me all my life.