Roads

Pulling me from all sides...
Your words are gone;
Your greetings vanished with you light.
New found roads appear.
I do not wish to travel.
New roads may be ready,
But I am not ready for those new roads to appear.
These roads will have to wait until I am strong enough to journey.

Deadly Poison

Loneliness kills the soul of a man
waiting for the hope of the midnight hour.

Loneliness deprives the soul of a man
waiting for a glimmer of hope.

Come forth from the night you villainous creature.
Let me know thy true form.
Your face is dark with no remorse.
The murderous soul shows no shame for the killing of men.
The fiend strikes by injecting a lonely poison into the veins of his empty victims.
Left by the waste side are the dreams of a thousand forgotten spirits,
Longing for the toll of the midnight hour.
Longing for the dawn of a new age.

Come forth from the night!
Fight the still standing man
Who, somehow, holds yet one shred of hope in his lonely arsenal.
Fight not with your deadly poison,
But battle with the fists the Devil himself has crafted for you!

Loneliness kills the hope of a soul
Like the shadow of the night conceals the light
From the dawn of a new tomorrow.

Metamorphosis

Tired.
Sweaty.
Drained.
Moved.
Left.

Started.
Waited.
Parted.
Accepted.
Living.

Newness.
Affirmation.
Consolation.
Transformation.
Welcome to the re-creation.

Scared Shitless

I am sitting alone, packing my room.
Country music plays in the background.
It is a hard day.

I do not even like country tunes.
I am tired and scared.
Please don't let me face this battle alone.

The doctors are worried.
"You should go off campus to run a few test."
They say, "Probably nothing."
But I see the look on their face.

Avoiding the appointment.
I feel alone in my fight.
Remember when you held my hand?

You were afraid of needles--
Deathly so--
I had to get tested.
I was scared.
You sat by my side,
You swallowed your fear.

Then you held my hand
Through the drawing of the blood.
You held my hand
All through the tiring wait.
You held my hand
Telling me you would love me either way.

Here I am again,
Different tests,
Same fear.
I am scared.
This time,
The situation calls for a more serious concern.

I am scared again.
This time,
I am on my own.
No hand to hold,
No partner to hug,
Nothing but fear and a phone.

I am scared again.
Terrified of finding out the truth.
This time,
You are not by my side
To hold me close,
To love me,
To tell me I will be alright.

I am scared again--
Scratch that--Terrified.
but this time...
You won't be here to love me all my life.

Lights & Show

The lights come up,
I hear my cue.
The nerves swell,
My breath deepens.

I lunge myself across the stage,
Take a breath.
My first line spoken.
Laughter heard.

I am doing well,
I am doing great.
I hear the audience.
I shake myself free from the terror.

The best feeling alive,
next to hearing her heart beat.
After the show,
I wait for my friends.

One by one they come,
They say "Good job."
I look, but I know.
You were not here tonight.
The only person I actually hoped would show.

Something New

Something new?
Maybe so.
Something interesting?
Who knows.
Go with the flow,
See where it takes you.

Thanks God for the glue.
You are always there
When I most need you.

Stop The World & Pass Me The Glue!

God, give me strength!
I am fading away...
There is nothing left of me.
My strength to fight grows weaker with the passing of each second.
My will to live grows thinner.
Death not an option,
But my living life is fading fast.
I survive instead of live.
I crawl instead of walk.
Where have I fallen to?

Oh, God in the heavens,
Give me the courage to make it through!
Nothing seems to keep me strong.
Nothing seems to help me fight through the pain of my tears.
My hope is dwindling away as I lay spread on the bathroom floor.
The light of hope a glimmering flicker in the night.
Oh, Father God hear my prayers!
I am so tired of this fight!

Lord...Dad, every time I take a step forward,
Something happens and I end up two steps back.
Where do I go from here?
There is no where to run to.
I run to you, but now what do I do?
I am just tired of the world going wrong.
I am tired of my choices not being right.
What happened to my clarity?!

My strength is in you, so please, start to deliver.
I just want my peace and serenity back.
Love is a fools game when it comes to romance.
I have been a fool to think love for me was a possibility.
I have so much to give, and the world to share...
No one is ready.

Why do I experience those things some only dream?
Why do I only feel pain?
I need to love.
I need to share my heart.
I need to hope.
You blessed me with a heart bigger than my body,
But it is also a curse.

I choose the wrong ones.
They all leave and never stay.
They all run away.
They all break my heart,
Although, I know I have broken a few.
I am sick of things breaking!
Lord...can you, please, pass me the glue?

The Vindictive Property

Vindication.
I know it is not right.
It just feels so damn good to know
It was not me who screwed things up,
But you and your dumb ass.

Vindication.
I know it is not right,
But on this,
what would have been our 5 month,
It is good to know,
I am not the only one alone.

It sounds completely screwed up,
But for once, this day is not so bad.
Ah, vindication,
Feels good,
Though I know it won't last.

Strangers in The Night

I am not the person you knew me to be.
I have found myself lost in this black oblivion,
Lost inside the maze of my forgotten mind.
Where have I gone to?

Her words still whisper in my ears.
No longer does her memory haunt me.
The loss of intimacy, the mourning of a friend.
Where did we lose ourselves?

Strangers in the night.
We meet for the first time--
Lost from where we were,
Lost from where we have gone.

Strangers in the night.
Neither one of us are the same people
With whom we fell in love.

Strangers in the night.
Long lost distant members of a forgotten dream.
Disintegrating into a flowing fog,
Lingering from the same forgotten memory,
And washing away onto the seas of a forgotten shore.

Strangers in the night.
No longer players in the same scene.
The final bow taken with the last line of our broken tragedy.
The painting of a new scene,
Once drawn on the blank pallet of a starless night,
Now strewn over the closed curtains of a forgotten night's dream.