I Know & I Know

I know heart break ends.
I know there is beauty in all living things.

I know there will be a new tomorrow.
I know, someday, I will love another.

I know many truths,
But still does not change
The war waging on
Between my heart and my brain.

You're Bringing Me Down

You're bringing me down.
I know you don't mean to.
You're bringing me down.
Your words do it too.

You're bringing me down.
Please, don't say your, "aw"s
You're bringing me down
Like showing a scared kid
A chucky clown doll.

I try to forget
Her face and her eyes.
Engraved in my head.
I try to survive.

You're bringing me down.
Just don't mention her name.
You're bringing me down.
Just don't bring her to my brain.

You're bringing me down.
I know you don't mean to.
Her lips and that smile.
Don't remind me,
That's how I make it through.

The Coldest Winter Snow

Anger.
Anger at the truth.
Anger at my self for still being in love with you.
You gave me a ring promising for forever,
Forever is a day to the heart of a fleeting lover.
My own personal run away bride,
Your next boy or gal should by you a pair of Nike sneakers
Your next crush should run and hide.

Pity.
Pity on your soul.
It's all just a game to you,
While you just try to fit this pathetic mold
All the while singing your own sad rendition of the soulful blues.

Try being a woman,
Grow some damn courage.
Live for yourself
Not that serpent of a heartless mother
Who you let devour
Every last bit of your beautiful spirit.

You once told me to grow a spine.
Now I am telling you,
Grow a damn back bone!
Do what you you love,
What you were meant to fucking do.
Do what is good,
Not for everyone else,
But just do it because it pleases you.

You are a better poet than I will ever be,
But some how,
The world will never know,
The world will never see,
Deaf Jam will never hear of you
Because you run and hide,
In your rabbit hole of lies.
So, I ask you this:
Who are you to be judging my life?

You're scared?
Poor baby,
You should have lived a day in my shoes
Back when I was growing up,
You should have spent a day in my life.
Facing fear,
Facing pain,
Facing eviction,
Facing trying to make it another fucking day.
At least I learned how to live and love.
You learned how to survive and change,
live in fear,
Live in chaos,
Live in a prison
Composed of your foolish pride and the desires of other's hate.

Pride is the devil wrapped up in a pretty bowed disguise.
You can be proud and not prideful,
You can be proud and still be strong
When you break down,
When you lose control,
When you start to cry.
Pride and proud are not one and the same.
Pride and proud are different,
Like indifference and hate.

Face the facts,
Courage is not the absence of fear.
Courage is doing what you must
Despite that all consuming ring of terror,
That whisper of self-doubt,
The whisper of "you can't do it,"
Ringing in your ears,
Playing with your mind,
Playing with your fears,
Playing with who you are,
Playing with all the truths you hold dear.

You want to talk brave?
Try stepping up.
I am living my live,
Doing my thing,
Going on with my being,
Doing what I do...
Never giving up to the pain you left on my wounded heart.
I am doing right by me,
While you keep breaking hearts
Because boredom starts to consume
Because you are no longer fully amused.
Because in your mind,
Love is all about you.

Here's a news flash,
Love is selfless.
Love is kind.
It's kind of sad
When you realize the woman you love
May have left you in the cold,
But her veins
Run with blood colder
Than the coldest winter snow.

The War of My Mind

It was not the right time,
Nor was it the right place.
We need to grow.
We need to learn how to communicate.

Something is holding me close to you.
An anchor on my heart keeps me from moving forward.
Words from a promise I once spoke,
“I will never leave you behind.”

A struggle between my heart and my mind.
Do I stay, or do I go?
I wonder if there will come a day
When we can be together again.

“Maybe one day I will want more.”
The words you spoke.
I know I deserve more than this,
But I love you.

Why does a ring determine one’s devotion?
Why does a silly ceremony determine unconditional commitment?
There was a ring of sorts.
I made a vow of devotion to a woman I loved.

Do I stay or do I go?
Either way I must continue to live.
Assumptions, mistakes made and points of frustration.
It was not a falling out of love.

The issues were workable.
The romance was just dormant.
I wanted to go out as well.
I wanted to bring back the life to our love.

I had limitations and a hard time.
There was only so much I could do.
I wanted to dance the world with you.

Movies,
Swing,
A night on the town,
A day at the beach,
Maybe a trip to another town.

As for the other,
It was not needed.
I wanted to just walk with you
At whatever pace you wanted.
As long as I could walk near you,
I would have been content.

I may not be a good dancer,
But I was willing to watch
Or even join in.
If I made a fool of myself
I would have been yours.
A proud fool I would have been.

There was so much I wanted to share,
So much I wanted to discuss.
If I was quite,
It was because I had everything on my mind.

I think to much,
I did not want you to get scared away.
I quieted down the thoughts in my head.
So many questions and discussions we could have had.
I was trying to make you happy, so I stopped being who I am.

The irony is,
If I had been me,
You would have stayed.

Myself was the person you were first attracted too.
Why I changed will never be fully understood,
But I wish we had another shot at what we had.
Slowing down, and just enjoying each other’s company again.
I miss my friend.
I miss my girl.
I miss what we had before the “other” came into the picture
Ruining everything we had planned.

We were good before that time.
We went to fast,
And now you have left me behind.

My mind is at war.
I told you I would be your Shilloh.
Through think and thin,
For better or worst.

How am I better than the others if I walk away?
I just want to sweep you off your feet
The way I did way back when.

The nature trail,
Our clearing.
I miss what we had,
And I think we could have it again.

Maybe one day you will see me for who I really am
And not the one you assume me to be.
In the mean while I am trapped in this war of my mind.

Do I walk away totally from the woman I love?
Why does a ring make it ok to stay devoted even when the other is gone?
Why does a ring decide devotion till the end?
It’s a confusing war of questions,
There are no answers.

I just want you to let me love you again,
I just want you to look at me with that look of love
That look of happiness,
That look of never letting go.

I just want to be happy again.
Happy with you,
Happy with me,
But the world tells me
You will never come back to me.

Why is it so hard to let you go?
This war of questions is beginning to take its toll.